Thursday January 26, 2017 Human

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am all too human, sold into slavery to sin.  What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate.  Romans 7:14-15

I guess if St Paul can feel this way, I should not beat myself up too much for being a sinner.  I translate “HUMAN” into being a sinner because like Paul, I often don’t understand… I have my mind and heart set on God and yet I sin.  I constantly lose patience with myself because I fail to live up to the standards that I know that God would ask of me.  If I was stronger, it would be easier but I am frail.  I beg HIM to help me combat my sinfulness with me but no matter how hard I try, I do what I hate.

I feel blessed that I can go to the sacrament of Reconciliation and give me sinfulness away to my savior and ask for forgiveness.  It is discouraging when I fall again, doing what I hate.  No matter my best intentions, I succumb to sins easy path to destruction.  I live in a quandary, asking my God for clarification and help to be stronger.  It just blows my mind that I continue to what I sincerely profess to abhor.  I am writing a book about failure and with each word I write I come face to face with my own humanity.  St Paul’s description “the sin living in me that does it”. V 20.

Sin wages a war inside those who wish to follow Christ.  When I was in grade school, the nuns illustrated this with a little red devil on my left shoulder and a little white angel on my right.  Both whispering in my ear and encouraging me to choose their way.  The American Indian adage is that each of us has two wolves inside, one evil and the other good.  The one who grows stronger is the one I feed.  I know that I am not alone in dealing with my humanity and tendency to do what I hate.  Paul says and I profess… Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ, Our Lord! V25

Lord, I keep coming to You, broken and bloody.  Help me to trust in You so that I can live in Your lovely law of kindness, generosity and understanding.  Help me to be patient when my humanity would lash out.  Give me purity of heart when I would seek glory.  Hone in me a keen sense of justice to recognize when I being unfair. 

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